Self Defense in Canada is my mission. I am concerned with all people's safety and protection. Increasingly, we live in a violent society and I want to share my knowledge with others. I am a women's self defense and high school self defense expert. I am a professional self defense instructor and Teaching Director for Safe International based in Canada.
March 29, 2013, Canada - In this SAFE International Self Defense Blog I would like to share a story directly out of the Washington Post. SAFE International has taught more than 175,000 women since 1994 and the stories we receive on women being raped are heartbreaking. This story illustrates how rape not only effects the victim, also their loved ones. Please take a few minutes to read this and forward to your friends, family, and others you know. Here is the direct story from the Washington Post.
Christa Parravani - Christa Parravani, at right, with her twin sister, Cara. “Cara’s rapist struck every person who ever loved her,” Parravani writes.
Whether you’re traveling on a bus in New Delhi, India, or drinking at a teen party in Stuebenville, Ohio, rape, it seems, is never far. In the United States, nearly one in five women have been raped at some point in their lives, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — most of them before age 25. Across the planet, more than one in three women will be physically or sexually abused by men.
But whatever the grisly statistics, the number of people damaged by rape is much higher.
I know this math intimately.
In 2001, my identical twin, Cara, was raped by Edgardo Hernandez, a stranger, when we were 24. It was a violent act that destroyed her. And then it almost destroyed me.
After her rape, Cara took drugs in quantities that would prove to be lethal, doses she felt she needed to help her forget. She died from an overdose of heroin laced with fentanyl, a pain medication, on a late spring afternoon — June 13, 2006. And even though her death was an accident, no one who knew Cara doubts that Hernandez, though he didn’t murder her, took her life nonetheless. It just took four years, seven months and 26 days.
Cara said it best from the witness stand during her rapist’s sentencing: “Edgardo Hernandez is the worst kind of thief. He did not steal my wedding rings, yet my marriage has dissolved. He did not take my legs, yet for over a year I was afraid to leave my house, to walk around in broad daylight. October 18, 2001, was the day I died.”
My sister died from a rape. She is that rape’s core victim — its axis of suffering, of torment, of woe — but she is not its only victim.
I don’t know how our mother, who raised us alone, has managed to endure. Mom was the one who bandaged Cara’s badly injured back where Hernandez bit it during her rape. Mom double-bolted the apartment door to lock us safely inside. And Mom was the one who found Cara’s body when she died. Mom was the first and last person ever to touch my sister.
But she was not the only person touched by her. Cara’s teachers at Guilderland High School in Upstate New York and at Bard College loved her. Her graduate professors and fellow students at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst loved her like family. Her husband loved her, and when that marriage ended after her rape, her boyfriends loved her. These people were hurt when she was brutalized. All of them lost her when she died.
My sister once outran a mountain lion in a Santa Cruz forest. My sister wrote the draft of a novel. My sister meditated at an altar in her living room adorned with shiny plastic grapes and pictures of those she loved, alive and dead. The sound of her laugh was the purest music I knew, a certain melody that she convinced me even the dead could hear.
And she possessed a power over me. Researchers speculate that, when a twin dies, the surviving twin’s life expectancy is shortened. I barely survived Cara’s death. The agony of losing her was inescapable. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw her. Whenever I spoke, I heard her. And then, because I missed her so and wanted her back, I tried to become her.
I began to do the kinds of things that would lead me to follow her to the grave. I took drugs. I attempted suicide. I was caught in the trauma of her absence. My first marriage ended after Cara died. I played the loop of her rape in my mind, for that was the moment I’d really lost her. Now my second husband must hold me and listen to my version of Cara’s story whenever the anguish wells up again.
I survived, but it was a close call.
Cara’s rapist struck every person who ever loved her. Then he hurt every person who ever loved me. It is stunning how far the grief of rape travels — across generations. Violent acts done to us affect our children not yet born.
My daughter is 18 months old. Baby Josephine sits on my hip, pushing trustingly against me as I show her a picture of Cara and me that hangs on our dining room wall. In it, we’re holding hands.
“There’s Aunt Cara,” I tell Josephine, smiling, hoping to teach her who this important woman was. “Mama,” Josephine says, proud of herself, placing her tiny finger over my cheek in the photograph. She looks at the photograph again, at these identical women, perplexed, and then claps her hands. “Mama,” she says again, gently stroking Cara’s cheek.
“I’m not the same,” my sister often said after her rape, “but you want me to be.” Sometimes she said this so forcefully that I was frightened. But she was right. There was a Cara before and a Cara after. Her body became marked with piercings and covered with tattoos — Cara’s effort to reclaim control over it.
This isn’t easy to admit, but when Cara was learning to navigate the world as a changed woman, I pleaded with her to move on. I was uncomfortable. I found myself replacing the word “rape” with the word “attack,” sanitizing the truth. But rape gains power in the shadows. Cara said we must never look away.
What will I tell my daughter when she is old enough to ask about Cara’s rape and death?
One thing I will tell her is this: When you hear or see a story about rape or read a statistic about sexual violence against women, multiply the number of people harmed. Be conservative, if you must. Assume that two other women loved or depended on each woman or girl who was violated. So, for one rape, three are injured. And one in three women are assaulted worldwide. So, what’s that?
SAFE International has taught more than 175,000 women since 1994. For more information on our self defense programs please visit our main website at www.safeinternational.biz
February 27, 2013, Canada - In this SAFE International Self Defense Canada Blog I would like to offer my readers a story I was told by one of my private self defense clients. She became a SAFE International client after going through the experience below. I think it is important to share this horrific story of Murder In Mexico, particularly now, because so many people are traveling south to escape the winter blues to places they have never been. And while most vacation spots are very safe, this story will show that violence can happen to anyone, anytime, and anywhere!
"While vacationing in February 2009 with my husband and another couple in a rented condo, on the first floor of an upscale building in a well known vacation spot, I awoke to hear a woman screaming for help. She was screaming for someone to come and help her because someone was stabbing her husband. I initially thought it was a street fight outside our condo but when I opened the door I saw this young woman in her pajamas, inside the building. She was standing in a pool of blood from a stab wound to her hand and there was a trail of blood leading back to her condo. She immediately grabbed my hand to come and help her.
My husband and I ran down to her condo to find a large pool of blood coming out from thedoorway. The condo was in complete darkness, but with some dim light from the hallway I could see her husband lying face down near their bedroom. It was obvious from the amount of blood loss and the severity of his stab wounds that he was very near death. There was very little that could be done for him.
We could not find the night desk clerk to call police or ambulance, and no one in the 4 other condos would open their doors. I sat with the young woman and watched her husband expire which took less than a minute. The clerk eventually emerged and called police and an ambulance to take her to hospital. I escorted her while my husband remained with the police and the woman’s mother who had been sleeping in another bedroom in the condo.
She reported that while they were sleeping someone entered their condo through the balconydoor, came into their bedroom with a knife in each hand. When her husband attempted to get up he was fatally stabbed and while attempting to protect her husband she was also stabbed. She ran to get help and the assailant left as he came in through the balcony. He took nothing.
Botched robbery? Who can tell?
This raised many security questions for us. We ran into a dangerous situation not knowing what would meet us. Some thought we were foolish, others thought we were brave. Both of us did not think either of those things. We just reacted to someone needing help. We had no time to consider our personal safety or any danger that may have still awaited us in that condo. We reacted with adrenalin and as Dog the Bounty Hunter says “adrenalin can save ya, or kill ya.” Why did no one else open their door to come to her aid? What could be done or said to get help quickly? How safe can you make yourself in an unfamiliar environment? What can you do to protect yourself not only in your condo, in your room, but outside so as not to attract someone who may target you as a potential robbery victim, and follow you home? What should you do if an assailant enters your bedroom with a knife in each hand?
This story brings up a number of questions with no definte answer.
1) Would you have helped the woman or not? Your intuition might tell you not to out of fear, or fear that it was a set up.
2) Do you have an emergency plan? While you have not likely experienced this before, by learning some self defense you might be able to access some small amount of clarity on what to do.
3) What if there were other attackers still in the room and they threatened you with a weapon? Would you have any idea how to defend yourself?
4) Why didn't others go with them to help?
5) Do you know the layout of the building with safety in mind?
6) Could you have been chosen as the victim? Do you look like a victim or do you know who attackers look for?
These are just a few questions of the many you might ask yourself. This story changed this woman's life. After this she decided to be proactive and learn some self defense. While nothing is guaranteed to save you, at least give yourself a chance.
And lastly the question came up of others thinking they were foolish for getting involved to which I normally respond
"THEY TRIED TO SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE AND IF IT WAS YOU WHO NEEDED SAVING, WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO THINK SOMEONE MIGHT HELP YOU?" I teach that every scenario has unique safety concerns, so there is no definite answer whether you should help or not. I wish that other people had gone with them as their is safety in numbers, but unfortunately most people just worry about themselves.
SAFE International has taught more than 175,000 women since 1994. SAFE specializes in women's self defense parties, high school self defense, corporate self defense, and private instruction. We are a mobile self defense company. Please visit our main site at www.safeinternational.biz for more info or call us toll free at 1 800 465 5972
February 23, 2013, Canada - In this SAFE International Self Defense Blog I am sharing the personal story of a friend involving sexual assault and her struggle for over 20 years in dealing with it, from the denial at first that it even happened, to the shame and guilt she felt. She talks about how she tried to hide the feelings and carry on, but those feelings would keep resurfacing with others in her life telling her to keep low key on talking about them. Through relationships and marriage, she could never erase those feelings until one day she knew "I had to find some kind of fight within, some human spirit in me that could save me for myself, and for my now two year old son, before it would become too late. I had seen a glimmer of it over the years when I had rescued myself from outrageous situations, so I knew it was in there." I think it best to just allow the readers of our Women Self Defense Blog to read her story, as I can't come close to painting the picture she does by sharing her feelings of pain, fear, confusion, and ultimate survival. This will also be shared in our Women Self Defense Blog at www.womenselfdefenseblog.com
Out of the blue………
For years, I was in shock – I was numb, it was like I was living with no conscious knowledge of past events………
Then like a ton of bricks, the realization that it had happened consumed me……..Yes it had happened to me. Yes this was real…
Well what exactly happened…?! Why had I never stopped to face it ? Could I even compute or comprehend ?
Could this be, all this - then what did I do, what did I do wrong, what signals did I give, why……. why am I even raising it now ?!!
With this new found understanding, am I now doomed to live in the world of “happened to” in isolation with shame, guilt and these dark secrets……..with only my fellow “happened to beings” and “happened to sympathizers” never to return to life in the world as I knew it ? Am I broken ?
I would ignore it and get on with it, that is what you do, that is I could do, for after all I had been taught that you keep going, get on with things and in time it would all disappear. I had been taught that if I wore the right clothes – was attractive but not too alluring, was pretty but not too irresistible, nice but not misleading, intelligent but not threatening - that these things would not happen to me, they only happened to girls who got it wrong, sure it was a tight-rope to walk, but I could do it, I was told I was bright, and I wouldn’t let my parents down……………
Still it had happened …innocence stolen at 18…..didn’t see it coming, then it happened again……I was 20, then at 21….and so on………. different scenarios, different men, different levels of sexual violence……I tallied up the events clinically & categorized them by level of horror…. two rapes, three assaults (maybe one of these was also rape), some things were lacking in definition so it got a bit vague, but I concluded I was just at the bottom of that Bell Curve and that much like some people were lucky, I was the unlucky one at the other end. That was logical wasn’t it ? Don’t get me wrong, life wasn’t all bad, I had had good sexual experiences, actual consenting ones, well sometimes to avoid possible confrontation if I was unsure, but mostly because I actually wanted to……. somehow they felt quite disconnected with few exceptions.
The girl I once was, had become locked away, keys beyond reach……………..but I had felt this way for so long….I barely noticed anymore..
It would take me almost two decades to ask for help. I mean to really ask for help…..
Sure, I had tried to reach out for help sheepishly, embarrassed and apologetic to my mother and also a couple of ex boyfriends over the years….but this was not comfortable and words like “we don’t want a scandal” and “ I wish you hadn’t told me” were like a knife through the heart.
Selected friends would listen uncomfortably to watered down versions, and when their faces would give them away and their eyes look too shocked, or they would look away, I would stop to protect them from the real horror, well why should they suffer too ?
I got married at 23, it failed too much too soon I think, but after a while and several years of a mix of turmoil and stability. We were both lost souls at the time but parted friends, and to this day though continents apart remain good friends.
I got married again four years ago “ever the romantic” looking for my prince…….I thought I had found him this time. Beautiful wedding, beautiful honeymoon, life was good!
We had our beautiful and wonderful son, but we had a difficult birth me and him, I felt violated by three monumental attempts to successfully deliver with forceps (I can only imagine what his fragile head was feeling) as we underwent a seemingly medieval medical practice that would prove to take 18 months to recover from……..fortunately Adam was unscarred. After about two months after the birth, I was faced with an unsympathetic husband, who wanted sex. Not just the intimate things we had been doing, but actual penetration. It still sounds outrageous to me, I mean how could this be… I thought he loved me like I loved him…..The 38 stitches had healed I guessed and I felt like the bride of Frankenstein down there, but what remained was an impressive bruise on the inside about the size of a clenched fist… - what ever else was there a train wreck, nothing felt right - and now this because he “has a right to have sex with his wife” ………..would it even be possible ?!!
When did I become a thing, his property, and not a person ? I felt like everything had fallen apart again….my prince had become a frog…….. a toad! I think I began to hate him. I mean we couldn’t part now, what about my baby, he needed his dad. I was trapped. I did what I could and I just got on with it, because that is what you do….. Then I started to be groped in my sleep, never able to rest, going to bed afraid, living with the emotional pain of the betrayal of trust between the sheets after each tear jerking apology. Eventually the train wreck had healed, but I was heart broken.
Feeling pushed and devalued, an object there for the taking, re-opened the Pandora’s box of the past………exhausted my body eventually said “enough!” I had experienced over two years repeated pneumonias, endless invasive medical examinations and tests with no plausible answer….why did I get sick all the time ?
That was my wake-up call. I came to understand that my body literally wouldn’t breathe anymore………..maybe it didn’t see the point. …….I wouldn’t fight………really fight for me.
At that point, I knew I had to find some kind of fight within, some human spirit in me that could save me for myself, and for my now two year old son, before it would become too late. I had seen a glimmer of it over the years when I had rescued myself from outrageous situations, so I knew it was in there.
I contacted the WRASAC in Edinburgh and after some time on a waiting list I got a call that startled me one day. I think it was the word rape spoken, which I myself so carefully avoided…it sounded so stark…… was that really me ?
After a just one session with the support worker, I wanted to get it all out, commit it to paper, make it real, make it heard, share it, face it, stomp it out. I had found a place for it, somewhere to go and someone who would listen, who could understand, who could be there when I needed it most. Someone who without question, would listen and who would believe me, everything I had to tell. What a gift.
My husband though outwardly supportive seemed less at ease with my new found support, and as things in the bedroom escalated as I became more assertive, I decided to give him a final chance, and he blew it. I asked him to leave, and made him understand that he had killed whatever love had been there, and it was time to say goodbye.
Over the last few months, I have faced my demons, past and present, and had good days and bad days, but I promise you this, I unlocked that girl who was trapped inside myself, and got her back after all these years. She came back to me almost as instantly as she had disappeared – almost out of the blue. It was a rather surreal experience as I finished reading “The Gift of Fear” in an airport. A huge wave of pain washed out of me, and a warm bright light rushed in to fill my heart, like a spirit that had been waiting to come back inside. I know it sounds mad, but it happened.
I feel like I used to feel before any of this happened. I realise now just how much I missed myself, and I will never let my spirit be broken again. I understand that I was much too young to deal with the enormity of what happened to me, and much like a domino effect, event after event coupled will ill advise and social norms, made it impossible to get clarity and recover.
There is still work to be done, but things are so much better already! I realise now that until I addressed these deep traumas and really understood the impact, I could never be happy in any relationship, because I wasn’t happy in myself. I was incomplete, despite a good career, academic qualifications, great friends, and everything carefully designed to look happy on the outside, and I just didn’t understand what was missing.
I have drawn a line between 18 and now, and marked them as “the confused years”. In a funny way, I really feel that I will now get to experience “my first time” at some point in the future when I am ready to, as a complete person in body and mind. So like a thirty-some year old virgin of sorts.. I really feel that anything that I experience in the future in this regard will be pretty special and something I am in control of, and that really I guess I have never had until now.
Whatever advice I can offer now, I gladly share with you:
It’s not your fault. No exceptions.
It may feel you’re stuck, but just a small step at a time and you won’t be in limbo, you are not doomed to walk in darkness for the rest of your life; there are fellow human beings on this earth who can help, who understands, and who wants to help you.
Violence is very real and happens more often that we can comfortably think about. It isn’t just on the TV, in films or headline news.
People who do not understand that violence is a real part of the fabric of our society and who won’t see it, or try to minimize it, can’t help you, even if they want to.
Any man, or woman who hurts you, will continue to do so - and here is the heartbreaking part, doesn’t love you, and will destroy you. It may be or not out of hate, but they will save themselves every time at your expense.
Don’t believe the tears, the declarations of love, the “you made me do it’s” there is no acceptable or plausible excuse, none. It’s their delusion of reality, not yours – unless you chose to buy it despite what you feel inside. It will not make it go away. Trust your instincts.
If you are feeling weak and vulnerable, there will be no shortage of predators of varying nature who will take advantage, for humans are often selfish creatures. Even well meaning individuals may give in to moments of weakness, so keep you eyes open, and know it is ok to let people know where your boundaries are. Fortunately the balance of the scale is a lot heavier when it comes to decent, good human beings, it may not seem like it, but the vast majority of people, wish you well, no harm and respect you as an individual.
The EWRASAC has been my lifeline back without a doubt, and has started me on this journey.
For me personally taking a self defense class right here in Edinburgh at Dynamis Gym, in which my coach has addressed the psychological, emotional and physical aspects holistically, in a rather unique, in-depth and dedicated approach, has truly transformed how I feel about myself, and my environment. I would highly recommend this to anyone.
If you read one book, read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, it has helped me in so many ways.
There are ways that each one of us can approach a combination of resources available at our own pace, level of comfort and ability, and every step will make you feel safe and find yourself again in your own way.
You have survived so much, so remember that even though you may have lost a battle or two, you don’t have to lose the war. You decide how long you are willing to fight to get yourself back.
I wish you every happiness and light, and share your hope for happier days ahead of you - you will recover and your heart, body and soul will be vibrant and full of life again if you give it a chance - one step at the time.
With all my love x A
As a final note, Annette would like everyone to know that she has found a nice man, they are celebrating this week, one year since they met :0 So things really do get better.....If you have any questions or comments for Annette, please email me at info@safeinternational.biz
SAFE International has taught self defense to 175,000 women since 1994. If you are interested in one of our women's self defense courses please visit our main website at www.safeinternational.biz We specialize in women's self defense parties, high school self defense, and corporate self defense.
February 15, 2013, Montreal, Quebec - In this SAFE International Self Defense Canada blog I would like to offer a couple SAFE International YouTube Self Defense videos that show how one can get the most value out of their self defense training. These videos were done by Marc Joseph, President of Spartan Training Gear and myself, Chris Roberts of SAFE International. Most self defense companies teach what I call "self defense techniques" which require you memorize move A, move B, move C, etc in reaction to a specific attack. The challenge with that is that you have to memorize these moves and they are based on an attacker doing the attack in the exact way you practiced it. There are literally thousands of variables in any attack. Those variables could include the environment, such as being attacked on ice, in an enclosed space, in your car, etc., and all those would have a definite effect on our response or the effectiveness of your response. Also, the attacker being on drugs, their strength, or mindset have an effect on the scearnio. SAFE International and Spartan Training Gear show in these videos different potential attacks along with the unique aspects of each. We did not practice these. For example, in this first video the guy in the green was just walking over to the parking garage door when I decided to follow him and initiate an attack without him being aware I was going to do so. Even though we were there to do some scenario training, for a brief moment he didn't know what I was doing which is why I threw the sucker punch quickly in hopes of catching him off guard. The goal in trying to throw him off guard is not to try and make him foolish or for myself to "win". The goal is to try and give him as realistic an attack, so that if the time ever came that he is in this situation, he has had the best possible self defense training to respond effectively.
It is important when doing reality based self defense drills that the person playing the part of the "bad guy", be a good bad guy creating some intensity and taking the other person out of their comfort zone. SAFE International does this with all the seminars, whether it is one of our Women's Self Defense Courses, High School Self Defense Courses or private instruction. The reason most people don't like to train like this is that it challenges their ego, causing a fear of looking weak or vulnerable. If you train with people who are really there to help you develop life saving concepts, you are more open to this training, and quite frankly, if you don't train like this, you are not really learning effective self defense, and are robbing yourself of a valuable experience. People will commonly ask me what they did wrong when we analyze the drill. I say they didn't do anything wrong, and that in fact by doing some things you think are "wrong", is more valuabe than doing a drill where everything goes perfectly because you choreographed it. It is only once you take yourself out of your ego that you can develop the concepts that might just save your life.
In this next YouTube Self Defense video we do a couple different potential knife attacks in a car. Again, by being in a car the experience is completely different than if one was in an open space due to the fact that you are at a different angle and your legs may not be of use to you. Again, the goal is to bring realistic verbal language and intensity to the drill. Do the drill and evaluate after, what you felt worked, what didn't work, and how you felt about it. I have never done a drill with anyone where everything went 100% perfectly. There is always an opportunity to improve and these self defense drills allow for that. There are some basic concepts we try to include in all our training such as "control the blade" when it comes to a knife attack. You can see how Marc in green does that in the vehicle. Also, the drill in which the knife is to my groin, I make a point of securing the knife while my elbow starts hitting his head. These were not rehearsed and the reaction might be very different the next time based on the variables of the attack.
The reason these drills are effective is because the participants are truly interested in helping each other to achieve the best possible learning experience. The best way to train for any violent encounter if it can't be avoided is to do the self defense drills over and over an over.
SAFE International and Spartan Training are avaiable for Scenario Replication Seminars. Visit our websites at www.safeinternational.biz and www.spartantg.com for more information. You can also reach SAFE International toll free at 1-800-465-5972
February 10, 2013, Toronto, Canada - In this Self Defense Canada blog, I would like to talk about the most frequent answer I give to most self defense questions when I conduct a SAFE International self defense seminar. In many professions there is a definite answer to any question asked, but self defense instruction is one where the most common answer should be "maybe". The self defense industry is one filled with a huge varying of personalities, but one common trait among them is "ego". While the ego is necessary to some extent, it is also what prevents self defense instructors from giving, not only the most honest answer, but the best one. The overriding factor one should remember is that we teach potentially life saving self defense concepts and there are literally thousands of variables in any potential conflict or attack. The way to prove this is if you ask a self defense instructor a question and they respond with something like, "This is exactly what you do". If you question it, and they promise it will work, you could follow up with, "Would you bet me $20,000 it will work?" Unless they are wealthy and an idiot, lol, they will respond with, "Well, I can't promise it will work!" Let me give you an example. If the student or client asks, "Will a kick to the groin put the guy down?" Many teach the groin strike as the "finisher" move in self defense, but what if:
1) What if the attacker is high on drugs or alcohol?
2) What if the attacker has higher pain tolerance than others?
What if, what if, what if, what if.................................! And this is just a very basic, simple question. There are potentially hundreds, even thousands of variables in any potential attack scenario and how dare one think they have the only guaranteed answer to any question.
I would love to give a answer that is the only answer, but the only guaranteed answer I can give to virtually any question is, "That MIGHT work or MAYBE." I think by giving the honest answer you are actually giving an answer that could potentially save a client's life because you are not limiting them to only one possible solution. If you have taught them that there is no one answer, then you open their mind to other possible responses, verbal strategies, and physical strategies.
Many
self defense instructors like to take credit for advice they have given
to a client or student when the advice has worked, but how often do we
hear of a self defense instructor take the blame if their advice didn't
work? Not too often I suspect.
Here is another question that will illustrate what I am saying. Very often, when I cover the awareness and avoidance phase of SAFE International self defense, I will get the question, "I hear that if you tell an attacker you are on your period, or if you drool, and act gross that they will leave you alone. Is this true?" I always respond with, "maybe". Sure, in some cases it may cause the attacker to abandon their assault, but in other cases, with the attacker in a state of rage, they may take that rage or anger out on you for disrupting their plan. This answer very often gets a reaction of deep thought because they heard their question as the only, or best answer from someone. Or they may have read it somewhere and it made sense, so they think it must be the only solution. There is no definite solution, and again I emphasize that knowing there is no guaranteed answer is actually more educational and beneficial to you.
We as self defense instructors must get out of a mentality of thinking we know all the answers, and give the one that is not only the best, and most honest answer, but also the only one. Yes, there are many thoughts I have that are very strong in my opinion, but I always fall short of guaranteeing them.
SAFE International has taught more than 175,000 women and men since 1994. SAFE International is a mobile self defense company that specializes in Women's Self Defense Parties, High School Self Defense, and Corporate Self Defense courses. Please visit one of our websites or contact us toll free at 1-800-465-5972
January 20, 2013, Toronto, Canada - In this SAFE International Self Defense Blog I would like to discuss a few scenarios that an attacker might use to attack someone. SAFE International has taught more than 175,000 people since 1994. One major reason for the popularity of SAFE International is that we address all phases of violence, rather than just the physical aspect. Most companies jump right into the physical phase ignoring the most important, which is to Avoid Violence. Most attackers choose their victim in scenarios that are advantageous to gaining an edge over their chosen target. With some basic awareness instruction, most people can avoid having to use physical concepts to defend oneself.
Elevators - this is one of the scenarios I am asked most about. Where should I stand? What should I do if attacked? Before getting on an elevator, if your "Intuition" tells you something is not right, DO NOT GET ON! Most people get on after making eye contact out of fear of appearing rude. You should not care what a complete stranger thinks if it means you must compromise your intuition and safety. When on the elevator, stand near the buttons while maintaining an awareness of others and where they are standing. If uncomfortable or attacked, press the button for the next floor. If attacked, pressing the exact button for next floor is a complex motor skill, so one would be better to MASH the buttons in the middle likely hitting the button for one of the closer floors. Once in hall, yell to attract attention, and knock on doors as an attacker doesn't want attention drawn in fear of being caught. Yelling "fire" may be ideal, but yelling anything can be effective.
Front Door of Home - every seminar I will ask how many people will just open the door after hearing the doorbell rung? Many will say they do, or they look out the side window and then open the door even if they don't recognize the person. The moment you open the door the slightest you have now given the person an excellent opportunity to force their way in. A chain on the door will not stop a motivated attacker. You should talk through the door if you don't recognize them. Many feel this is rude, but again why are we so concerned with what a complete stranger thinks. Many will say they won't answer the door which may be effective, but if the motive of the person is to break into the house, now they think they have a great potential home to break into. There are many more thoughts I can add, but look at this video to see how easy it is for someone to gain access to your home.
Purse Safety While Shopping - just walk through any department store and you will see dozens of opportunities to steal a purse. So often they are left in the top of the cart wide open allowing easy access to steal the wallet or other valuable inside. It only takes a second of one turning their back for this to happen. Also, one may get identification in their possession which can give them personal information including address, car keys, etc. Never take your eyes off your valuables and keep your purse over one shoulder. I have thoughts on whether the purse should be covered over one shoulder or crossways, but I will save that for another blog.
SAFE International teaches Women's Self Defense Parties, High School Self Defense, Corporate Self Defense, as well as Private Instruction. Visit our main site at www.safeinternational.biz for more info!
October 7, 2012, Toronto, Canada - In this Self Defense In Canada blog, SAFE International would like to announce the launch of the new online Anti-Bullying program "No Bully Fear" from my friend Michael Panebianco. Bullying has become an epidemic all over the world. There are many Anti-Bullying programs available through schools, but few address the topic in the home. Well, now there is an online tool that any parent can have access to within minutes. Here is an excerpt from the No Bully Fear Blog:
Bullies will always be present in your child’s life (as
they are present in everyone’s lives.) So the better your child learns
to deal with them right now, the better off your child will be down the
road.
Here are some of the topics I will cover in this blog:
• Awareness: Are our kids being bullied? How do we know? What are the signs?
• First Steps: What do I say? What do I do?
• Approaching the school: Building a team. Dealing with resistance.
• Programming solutions for your child: Plotting a path forward.
No Bully Fear™ is an online course to prevent bullying for children
between 8 and 12 years old. It teaches children – and their parents –
ways to overcome bullying. The course focuses on safety and achievement
of goals.
Now, you can have this online tool at a special introductory price due to SAFE International's affiliation with the gang at No Bully Fear! Go to this page and enter the Promo Code "SAFEKids" and you will receive a 15% discount on the full program. Feel free to take a test drive.
SAFE
International has taught personal protection to more than 150,000 teens
since 1994! SAFE International rarely endorses programs, but the No
Bully Fear program is one of those tools that all parents should have to
address the topic of bullying with their kids. For more information on
SAFE self defense courses, please visit www.safeinternational.biz
August 8, 2012 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - SAFE International is a leading provider of self defense training in North America. SAFE International is pleased to announce its self defense expansion into Milwaukee, Wisconsin with a focused marketing campaign to provide self defense to women, corporations and high school students.
Mr. Roberts founded SAFE International™ in 1994. He saw there was a lack of practical and effective self defense instruction for people. The SAFE International high school courses became known for their instruction on how to deal with conflict before it starts rather than just deal with the physical side of self defense. While self protection is a serious topic, the SAFE instructors have managed to develop a course that integrates humour while still getting a serious message across to students/clients. Chris Roberts has developed and taught specially tailored self defense courses in the corporate environment, particularly to companies/organizations that are in higher risk professions including health care, real estate, sales people, etc. Self protection is a not only a necessity, but is also a form of insurance that will make your business more profitable and your employees more confident and secure. Workplace violence is a serious issue and SAFE has the ability to teach workplace staff how to deal with all aspects of confrontation including the Awareness/Avoidance stages along with Verbal Diffusing skills and physical self defense.
SAFE International also offers specialized Women’s Self Defense courses to women’s groups, including their Women’s Self Defense Parties. Twenty five percent of women will be assaulted during their lifetime. This is an alarming fact especially since over forty seven percent of crime is unreported. Women will know their attacker fifty seven percent of the time according to studies. Women lead busy lives and need easy to remember tactics that work in real-life situations. They also need training that fits into their busy schedules. SAFE International's instructors understand the challenges that women face and offer classes, group seminars and private lessons to fit into anyone's schedule.
SAFE International has become North America’s most popular high school course for both boys and girls due to the fact that they don't teach martial arts, but rather a practical approach to personal safety with an emphasis on recognizing and avoiding potentially dangerous situations. All instructors are certified through SAFE International™ and have a unique ability to reach the students in an effective and memorable manner. SAFE International has traditionally focused on self defense instruction for high school students. It offers 1, 3, 4 or 5 hour courses which can be taught over consecutive days or all in one day depending upon the school/ organization's needs. They offer High School Self Defensecustomized to the class needs and expectations. Each session includes discussion, role playing and a practical physical component ending with their famous simulated attacks in which the students get the opportunity to practice their newly learned skills on a padded instructor. These are real-world tactics that can be used by anyone against violent and stressful attacks.
SAFE International™ also trains/consults people privately on a weekly basis. Private clients include mothers, fathers, daughters, police officers, seniors, and people with disabilities. Chris Roberts constantly studies and implements new tactics when they fit the criteria of being simple, but effective. SAFE International teaches self defense concepts that are based on Gross Motor movements, rather than complicated and difficult to remember techniques.
Contact SAFE International and Chris Roberts to schedule self defense for your corporation, group, or school. You can visit their websites at www.safeinternational.biz or www.highschoolselfdefense.com You can also email SAFE International at info@safeinternational.biz You can also reach SAFE International toll free at 1-800-465-5972.
July 14, 2012, Toronto, Canada - In this SAFE International blog I would like to offer my thoughts on "What Self Defense is & What Self Defense is not!" These are just a few of my opinions, but I feel the majority of people have an incorrect understanding on what self defense is really about, or rather, what it should be about. I personally don't like the term "self defense" which I have blogged about before, but I continue to use this term since it is most common with people. Here we go! I look forward to comments on this.
WHAT SELF DEFENSE IS NOT!
1) Self Defense is not about learning how to fight - while learning how to physically protect oneself is obviously a huge part of self defense, it is not the most important and actually should be the last part addressed after all possible methods of avoidance are taught, whether physically or verbally. I recall Richard Dimitri telling me the story of a gentleman who walked out of one of his seminars. When Richard asked him why he was leaving out of interest, the gentleman replied, "I came here to learn how to fight, not get out of a fight"
2) Self Defense is not about the self defense instructor - while the instructor has to have the knowledge and skill to share with their clients he or she is teaching, when the instructor becomes more interested in impressing those they are teaching, they are no longer teaching self defense, but rather promoting themselves.
3) Self Defense is not about beating the other person - while you may need to harm the other person in order to survive, once you look at it as beating the other person, you have now turned it into a win or lose scenario with a winner and/or loser. It is strictly about doing what is necessary to get home to your family. There is no beating, winning, or losing, but rather getting home. That being said you may have to use the most extreme measures to get home to your family. I have a lot more motivation to get home to my family than to beat the other person.
4) Self Defense is not about self defense techniques - many are aware of my thoughts on this. Once physical self defense becomes about techniques you are at a big disadvantage. Techniques require you memorize movements based on those of the attacker. These "techniques" are not accessible to the average or highly skilled person in moments of high stress, adrenaline dump, etc. They are often based on the attacker attacking first which automatically puts you at a big disadvantage.
5) Self Defense is not about scaring clients - while self defense is a serious topic, those coming to learn are already most likely apprehensive about the topic. Using scare tactics will not motivate the woman, man, or child to learn, but rather to continue being apprehensive towards the topic. Instructors need to learn to balance their instruction, to engage the client, to make the learning experience not only educational, but fun to learn.
WHAT SELF DEFENSE IS!
1) Self Defense is about completely avoiding violence - yes, the physical part of self defense is important, but should only be addressed after all possible awareness/avoidance strategies are covered. I have many ask me if I can skip the avoidance phase and go right into the physical teaching, but I refuse to do this in good conscience. If we are truly teaching others how to avoid violence, we must address avoiding violence.
2) Self Defense is about the women, men, or kids you are teaching - while everyone has their own teaching style, it is important to understand that all clients come to us with a different history that may include sexual assault, fear, apprehension, excitement, pre-conceived ideas, etc. It is the job of the instructor to teach with empathy and understanding of those needs. Yes, we are supposed to be the experts, but the clients you are teaching might unfortunately be the expert on violence that has happened in their life and we must consider that and listen to them.
3) Self Defense is about being open minded to others - many in the self defense industry have learned one way and only believe in one way or system of self defense. I can honestly say that my self defense course is VERY DIFFERENT than it was 18 years ago. My one and only rule with myself is that if I see material that is better and it will make my clients safer, I implement it and give credit to where I learned it. Being protective of what we have taught for 18 years is not admirable if it is not the best for our clients.
4) Self Defense is about getting home to our family/loved ones - in my opinion we can teach how to beat the attacker, harm or destroy the attacker, but if we approach it from the point of teaching your clients these skills will help you to get home to your family and/or loved ones, they will be much more likely to absorb, adopt, and utilize the concepts taught to their maximum effectiveness. It is the job of the instructor to create the passion and personal reasons to learn these concepts.
5) Self Defense is about reducing violence one person at a time - this is my business and this is how I earn an income which I make no apologies for, but whether I have one person show up at a seminar or 100, there is no less importance in what you are teaching. We have the ability to change the life for that one person and that is pretty damned important. If financially it is challenging, address that, but don't look at one person showing up as a disappointment, as they have come to YOU for your knowledge and we have a huge responsibility to that one person.
SAFE International has taught 150,000 people since 1994 and continues to learn, grow, and expand. SAFE specializes in women's self defense parties, high school self defense, corporate self defense, and self defense for Seniors. Please visit our main site at www.safeinternational.biz and our U.S. site at www.safeinternationalusa.biz We also have a high school site at www.highschoolselfdefense.com
July 6, 2012, Toronto, Canada -In this self defense in Canada blog, I would like to ask the question, "Are self defense instructors tough? This profession is filled with those claiming to be the baddest, toughest, meanest, fiercest men or women who have been in multiple fights, skirmishes, ambushes, etc. I would argue that most self defense instructors are not tough and I definitely include myself. You can argue these points, but I just want you to really think about the definition of who is tough.
You know who is tough?
1) The child who is battling cancer.
2) The single parent who is trying to raise their child on their own.
3) The police, firefighters, and others who sacrifice for others.
4) The homeless person who has lost everything, but carries on while other shun them.
5) The woman or man who is willing to sacrifice their future for what is right.
6) The stranger who doesn't look away when they see injustice being done on another.
7) Those who stand up against bullies even if outnumbered.
8) Those who follow their dreams when everyone else tells them they are nuts.
9) Those who can forgive someone for murdering their loved one.
10) Those who remain your friend when no one else will.
11) Those who run one direction while everyone else is running the other.
12) Those who REALLY fight to save another.
13) Terry Fox
14) The woman who stands up to her attacker and those who don't but find the strength to carry on and help others.
15) My MOM
16) The elderly who have no one
17) Pets who would die for you.
18) The innocent who keep fighting.
19) Those who live in poverty, but still feel blessed.
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